When malice is unleashed in a marriage, we are fools if we think we can contain it in a specific war with each other. Our kids will be casualties. Most of us have seen fathers and mothers use their children as weapons against each other. They not only attacked and successfully destroyed their kids’ home in their war with each other, but they then used the kids as weapons to attack the new homes. Why?
Malice is never satisfied, only stoked.
Relishing hatred, anger, bitterness, and resentment is like feeding an addiction more than satisfying a hunger. Every time you agree to mull over your hatred, it’s like taking another hit. You keep going until you all but devour each other.
Your spouse, or your former spouse, must never be seen as an enemy. Even if they try to turn you into an enemy find refuge in Jesus’ admonition to love your enemy and to pray for those who persecute you. You can’t satisfy hatred. Revenge never brings joy. If you harbor bitterness and resentment there will never be a time when you say to yourself, “Enough.” You’ll always go too far.
If you would have peace, if you would have joy, if you would know love, you would have to view malice itself rather than any person as your enemy. We have to avoid playing a game that is always fatal, that serves no one, that will eventually destroy everything we hold dear. Devouring each other won’t bring satisfaction; all it will do is set us up to devour someone else (beginning with our children) until the only one left, is us.
If you or someone you know is in this destructive cycle, ask yourself (or them) a few questions:
When will enough be enough?
If I get what I want will that really make things better for me, or is it really more about making him/her pay?
Will his/her increased misery really increase my happiness? And if so, isn’t that a sad commentary about me?
Do I really think it’s possible to hurt my spouse without my kids getting caught by the ricochet?
Do I want to make my happiness dependent on someone else’s downfall?
Is my response/attitude indicative of someone who has received grace and mercy from God?
Some blog posts are meant to challenge you; others are meant to be tools. Perhaps you know a couple who are turning on each other and their children in their war with each other. Consider passing this post on to them. And if you’ve received it, will you at least accept that this was shared as an act of love and concern, and pray about it?
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